Sleep ‘Teaching’ Methods for Infants and Young Children

Let’s talk about sleep teaching and helping children become independent sleepers. Unfortunately, there is so much confusion and controversy involved with sleep teaching (or sleep training, or sleep coaching, or sleep learning). Some people think sleep training is simply closing the door from bedtime until the next morning and letting their child figure it out. Others think any method of working towards independent sleep is sleep training. 

Now, I’m not here to dive into the controversies or to tell anyone that they must sleep train. I am a big believer in whatever works best for each individual family is simply that: what works best. If that is sleep training, cool; if that is not sleep training, also cool!

However, I would like to share more about my sleep philosophy and the sleep training methods I use with my 1:1 clients, as there is way more that goes into sleep teaching than just choosing a method. 

What does sleep training (or learning, coaching, etc.) mean here at Rest Grow Thrive? 

The work I do with families here at Rest Grow Thrive is focused on combining all the components of a healthy sleep foundation with the learned skill of independently falling and returning to sleep. This is to help children get the consolidated nights of rest they need and age appropriate naps during the day. It may mean weaning night feeds, but often it doesn’t, as it is dependent on the baby’s age, nutritional needs, and parent goals. 

Why share the methods you use? All the different methods of teaching independent sleep skills are out there already. They are on Google, in sleep books, everywhere. My role as a sleep consultant is helping a family set up a healthy sleep foundation and working with them to decide which method is the right fit for their family and their child, and guide them through the process as they implement these changes with their child(ren). 

Alright, let’s get to the methods!

Sleep Teaching Methods for Newborns 

There are none! While we can work on establishing frequent and full feedings, a healthy sleep foundation, and avoiding overtiredness, we do not do any formal work on independent sleep. We can make some steps towards practicing independent sleep, but the newborn stage is all about bonding, recovering, and the snuggles.

Sleep Teaching Methods for Infants

A common question I hear is: ‘When can I start sleep training?’

I begin my work with families around 4-6 months, adjusted for due date. When working with a 4-month old, the expectations are much different than they are when working with an older infant/toddler. This is due to the fact that many babies will still need night feeds and the daytime circadian rhythm is not always developed enough to count on consistent longer, consolidated naps until closer to 6 months. 

When discussing sleep training methods, I like to think of the approaches based on the level of involvement the caretaker will have in their child’s process of learning independent sleep skills. 

When reading through these approaches, remember that the approach is only one piece of the puzzle! We want to look at sleep from multiple facets: environment, routines, timing as well. We don’t ever just slap an approach on without considering everything else that goes into sleep.

No Involvement (aka Extinction, Cry It Out, CIO)

This is mistakenly the common method most people think of when it comes to sleep training. This method basically does involve saying goodnight at bedtime, putting your child down awake, and not returning until morning, other than to feed in the night, check/change a diaper, or for another safety concern/need. I personally haven’t used this method with clients because it can be uncomfortable for the parents to implement and stay consistent with. This method may be a good choice for children that get more stimulated and upset by their caregivers’ presence. 

Moderate Involvement (aka Ferber, Timed Checks, Leave & Check, Controlled Crying)

This method involves placing your child down awake and then giving your child the space to learn to fall asleep independently, by returning after waiting timed intervals to reassure your child that you are nearby. The intervals between checks can be as short or long as you choose, and can increase in time or stay consistent. This is a good choice for families who want to move along the process quicker but also want to be able to check in with their child and be more involved with the process.

High Involvement (Chair Method, Camping Out, Gradual Retreat, Stay-In-The-Room)

This approach involves placing your child down awake and then staying with them as they learn to fall asleep on their own. Over the next days & weeks, you gradually move further from their crib until you are out of the room completely. This method is good for parents who want to be very involved while their child learns these new independent sleep habits, but are ok with a slower, more gradual approach. It can be good for children who find a lot of comfort from their caregivers' presence while frustrating and stimulating for other children. 

Highest Involvement (Pick up Put Down, small gradual changes)

Pick Up Put Down involves placing baby down awake and picking up and soothing until calm every time baby cries, placing them back down awake, and continuing with picking up and putting down until asleep. Making small, gradual changes may include making the change from feeding to sleep, to rocking to sleep, to patting to sleep, to independently falling asleep. I find Pick Up Put Down more successful with babies younger than 6 months, as it can just be stimulating for older infants. These approaches can take weeks or even months to complete depending on how quickly you are making changes.  

No Cry Methods

I don’t believe that there are methods out there that include no crying at all. No matter what approach, how gradual, or how involved you are in the process of helping your child towards independent sleep habits, you are still changing habits. Change is uncomfortable and frustrating, and babies/toddlers voice their frustrations by crying.

Sleep Teaching Methods for Toddlers & Preschoolers

The methods for working on independent sleep with toddlers and preschoolers are similar to the methods used with babies, with some small adjustments that account for their ability to be verbally more involved. 

No Involvement (Extinction with Gate or Silent Return)

This may include using a visual barrier like a baby gate on the bedroom door, saying goodnight, and not returning until morning. For a child that leaves their room, this includes silently walking them back to their bed every time they come out, as many times as it takes, and it can take MANY times. This approach can be good for children whose parents’ know they do best with strict limits and boundaries. 

Moderate Involvement (Timed Checks & Reverse Checks)

This approach involves saying goodnight, leaving the room and returning at set intervals to check in on your child. You may check on them only when they are crying/calling out for you or you may choose to implement the check-ins in reverse, before your child has a chance to call for you. I typically encourage caregivers to choose a mantra and say only that during the check-ins. This approach can be good for families that are struggling with lots of curtain calls throughout the night. 

High Involvement (Gradual Retreat/Chair Method)

This approach involves saying goodnight, and sitting next to your child while they fall asleep and anytime they wake up throughout the night. Over the next days/weeks, you gradually sit further and further from your child until you are out of the room. Some children require more time after moving out of the room, which is when you would switch to a moderate or no involvement approach from above.  A high-involvement approach can be good for transitioning children from co-sleeping to their own sleep space and for children that are calmed by their caregivers’ presence. 

What method is best?

The best method is the one that the family can feel most comfortable and confident committing to. Children are different from one another, parenting styles are different from one another, and a family’s sleep goals are different from one another. That being said, when working with families, I find we most often use either a moderate or high involvement approach to sleep training. A tip: If you are on the fence about how involved you’d like to be in the sleep training process, I recommend starting with a higher involved approach and removing your involvement if need be. It is much easier on your little one if you go from more to less involved as opposed to switching from less involved to more.

When working with families, we never just slap on a sleep training approach, we look at the entire situation holistically and make sure we have all the foundational pieces in place (sleep hygiene, routines, timing, for example).

How do I know if I need your help and support with this process? 

Sleep training is very personal and can be overwhelming, when considering the different approaches and components of sleep. Getting support through the process can be helpful if:

You feel like you’ve tried just about everything and read all the books, but it didn’t work. Trying everything over time can just simply be too much sometimes. I have experience using these approaches with many different families and then seeing what to look for and what/when to make adjustments. I can help you weed through all this information to choose the approach that works best for your family dynamic while combining the approach with all the other puzzle pieces of a healthy sleep foundation.

You’ve tried sleep training in the past, but gave up when it felt tough. I will be your biggest cheerleader throughout this process, while also helping you stay consistent. I’m a sounding board for the families I work with to decide what we need to adjust as we move along in the process.

If you think you would like help making changes to your child’s sleep situation, let’s talk! I offer complimentary introductory calls to discuss your sleep struggles, goals, and dive further into how I work alongside families. You can book an introductory call here.